A New Outlook - This year

It's been the worst year and we can all agree with it. It's easy to see the negativity, the pain and the anger. Starting the year, I was low, angry, depressed and desperate. Time continued and my emotions and thoughts were beyond bipolar. I honestly questioned if I could manage to exist in this but to be perfectly honest.... Is this actually going to get worse? It's impossible to tell


I used to OBSESS over the predictions and outcome of how this year was going to end but I found myself become sick, unwell and lost a lot of hair because I didn't realise I was putting stress on myself! I really didn't know until I was standing in the shower screaming at the huge clump of hair in my hands.


I've had bad moments this year; I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease, I've had aggressive panic attacks, I starved myself for a while as I was struggling to cope with my body dysmorphia and I had a covid scare at work.


But...


I've had some AMAZING moments this year; I used my therapy techniques to build confidence in myself again, I got praise from my boss after all the hard work I put in for my team, I got engaged, I lost weight healthily and managed to stop starving myself, I'm going to be an auntie again, my hair grew back and we moved to a perfect new home.


Everyday is still a challenge and such as life, it will need continue work on it but those positive changes happened because I applied a new outlook on the situation we are living in;


I'm a HUGE believer in 'everything happens for a reason'. It's hard to understand it sometimes especially if its tragedy, death or pain, which is completely understandable but I mainly apply it to the smaller things; my diagnosis - as it's also linked to diet, it made me realise that I can't be relaxed about my unhealthy habit anymore as this will affect my future. It wasn't easy to change my mindset but after exhausting myself out, I WANTED to change my thinking. I hated my own company so much, I dread to imagine how others felt being around me.


So, some other things I did to help with this change was watching/following content that made me happy or gave me nostalgia, I unfollowed pages on social medias that made me feel negative and didn't vibe with my change, I also checked in with myself and asked questions aloud (hearing it out loud instead of your head hits differently), Tik Tok taught me LOADS of new skills and helped me realise the things I like and lastly tell the truth about how you're feeling. It's easy to answer 'yeah I'm good, you?' to a text or in person; Take the time to really say what you feel - I never felt more alive and true, you'll surprisingly find that people are in the same position.


Just from these, I felt the changes grow on me. It was wonderful


The pandemic has also provided such wonderful moments for people; Small businesses are being taken seriously, with loss of peoples jobs they are finally putting their dreams into reality and setting up their cartels or selling the things they love. People have come together and have been more mindful! The amazing activist movements we've witnessed and the celebration of the new president. This year has felt like 3 in 1 but it'll be a historical one.


We are not worthy of what we have on this planet and it very clearly shows but we are capable of applying a healthy outlook on life and make it easier and enjoyable. I wished more people would see that.


I'm proud of myself that my outlook has changed now that we're nearing the end of the year. There is no guarantee that everything will be normal when we enter 2021 but have courage, be kind and be positive.


Look at that crazy smile. I am proud of where I am. Let the next chapter start.


QOTD: What has been your worst and best moment of this pandemic year. Let me know in the comments!


Until next time! All my love x

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